True Story Tuesday

Life is scary sometimes. And right now my life is downright frightful. I don’t know what I’m going to do or how I’m going to do it. It’s just to much to handle for one person. Does anyone have a one-way plane ticket to…anywhere but here? Anyone?

The reason for my alarmist attitude you ask? Ahem. Admit it- you totally asked.

This. This is my reason.

Yes, I have a desk size calendar hanging on my kitchen wall. It’s the only thing that works.

Every flower on my calendar for the month of March represents a place that I, my children, or my husband need to be at a certain time. Some flowers have two activities hiding beneath them.

So what’s the scary part you ask? Yes, I hear your voices in my head. The scary part is that it is only March 9th and I do not have the Spring baseball schedule for Jakob or Nolan yet and I do not have my work schedule on there seeing as how I pick up jobs on a day to day basis.

So- about that plane ticket….

I am linking up today with Rachel and Mr. Daddy at Once Upon a Miracle.

True Story Tuesday

For the last eleven days I have had the privilege of watching the world’s top athletes compete against each other for the most coveted medal in all of sports. The Olympic gold medal is the prize elite athletes strive for. It represents all the effort, sacrifice, and money that has driven these men and women most of their lives.

As a spectator who is not an athlete, watching these men and women perform at an athletic level that I can only dream of achieving is fascinating. They make it look easy. They make it look like I could dig myself out of my couch cushion, put on some sports equipment and ski down a slope, do a 780 on a snowboard, or even twirl in the air on ice skates and land without falling. (No comments from the peanut gallery. Thankyouverymuch.)

I am not the only one in awe of these Olympic games. As I scroll through Facebook headlines I see that others are too. And I am not the only one who watches and imagines themselves as one of these athletes we see on our high definition televisions. Many of us are trying to find the sport most suitable to us as we dream of standing on the podium for our countries.

FB Friend: After watching the Olympics, I think I missed my sport, God gave me the thighs to do speed skating.

Me: God gave me birthing hips. What sport am I good for?

I am linking up today with Rachel and Mr. Daddy at Once Upon a Miracle for True Story Tuesdays. Be sure to click on over there to read more amazing, miraculous, and (mostly) true stories. You can even link up your own while you’re there!

True Story Tuesday

Since Reconstruction, two of the three African- Americans elected to the US Senate have hailed from what state?

"Illinois"

Used in many Chrysler cars, what powerful V-8 engine was reintroduced in 2003?

"Hemi"

Containing the hormone estrogen, what trendy vegetable protein has been linked to lower fertility rates in males?

"Soy"

In 1912, Washington D.C. got its famous blossoming cherry trees as a gift from what Asian country?

"Japan"

How did you do? Did you go 4 for 4? How about 2 for 4?

These questions came from Discovery Channel's Cash Cab. While these questions may not be the exact questions my husband answered one day while watching the show, they are very similar. Yup, my husband has a knack for useless information. I'd even go so far as to say he's a genius for useless information. Kind of bold and presumptuous of me isn't it.

Did I mention that these answers came from a man who was coming out of anesthesia after a 7 hour surgery? Oh, I failed to mention that? Well yes, my husband was in and out of consciousness while I was watching Cash Cab in his recovery room after a 7 hour surgery. Oh, and in between answering these questions...snoring. Loud, loud snoring.

A Shoshone Indian from Idaho served as the model for what famous woman on the US Golden Dollar Coin?

"Sacagawea" *S.N.O.R.E*

What city was nearly destroyed by the massive 1966 fire that started in a bakery on Pudding Lane?

"London" *S.N.O.R.E*

For more amazing, hilarious, miraculous, outrageous, and (mostly) true stories be sure to click on over to Once Upon a Miracle!

True Story Tuesday

I did it. I joined the millions of Americans who vowed to lose weight this year. Now don't get me wrong, I have not given up my love of cookies. Mmmmm...cookies. Nope, I think my diet is right on par, but I did buy an exercise video that promises to turn me into something like this.



And I'm well on my way. I bought and paid for the video. A week later I opened the packaging, and 5 days after that I got ready to pop it into the DVD player. I tell ya', I got an all over body workout too.

I worked my abs when I had to move the DVD player from my bedroom to the playroom by sucking in my stomach and trying to reach the outlet to unplug the thing from behind the dresser.

I worked my arms by carrying the DVD player into the playroom and hoisting it up onto the shelf. Never you mind that the DVD player weighs 2.5 lbs.

I worked my quads by squatting behind the entertainment center and plugging all the cables into the back of the TV.

Yup, the video lived up to all of its hype. Core body work, arm work, leg work...I can't ask for much more than that.

After such a strenuous workout, I decided I earned a reward for a job well done with some couch time and a snack size bag of fruit snacks. Yup...I chose fruit over cookies.

I should be looking like this in no time at all!



I am linking up with Once Upon a Miracle today. Make sure to click on over there to read more true stories!

True Story Tuesday

I live with a human GPS. That's right, my husband who is infamous for being filled with useless information is also a walking, talking, driving Global Positioning System.

You don't even have to give him street names or if you are driving north, south, east, or west. (Not that I would be able to tell him that anyways.) He has the ability to tell me how to get home from anywhere I may be at any moment. And by anywhere I mean lost on some scary, dark, out-to-get-me street.

*Ring ring*

Hello?

I'm lost.

Where are you?

I don't know, I see a McDonald's. (Yes, I know there is a McDonald's on every other corner in every city in the US, but trust me- this is enough information for my human GPS.)

What side of the street is the McDonald's on?

Right.

OK- is there a Bill Miller's further up ahead?

Yes. (See, I told you it was enough information for my human GPS.)

OK, drive through two more street lights and make a left turn when you see the grocery store on your left.

OK, thanks babe.

*Ring Ring*

Hello?

I'm lost.

What do you see?

I'm about to drive under an overpass and there is a Valero on the left side.

Drive under the overpass and take a left turn in front of the Valero. You are going to go around two big curves and will see some grain silos around the second curve on your left side. Then you will come to a stop sign right before some railroad tracks. When you cross the railroad tracks get in your left lane because the entrance to the highway is on your left.

OK, thanks babe.

Now I know what you're thinking. We live in a small town and there is probably only one McDonald's and Valero in the whole town. Yes we may live in a small town, but I drive through BIG cities and this is when I make these calls. Human GPS has the ability to know what McDonald's and what Valero I am speaking of even when I am in a city with a population of 1,144,646. (Yes, I Googled that tidbit of information.)

*Ring, ring*

Hello?

I'm lost.

What do you see?

I see nothing but a big green field.

OK, take the first left when you come to the....

I'm linking up with Once Upon a Miracle today for True Story Tuesdays. Be sure to hop on over to Rachel and Mr. Daddy's house to read tales that are almost too funny/outrageous/miraculous/hilarious to be true.

True Story Tuesday

I am trying to get back into a routine of working on a weekly basis after the extended vacation I gave myself since Thanksgiving. Yes, I'm spoiled and yes I'm well aware of it. What of it? Anyhow, last week I realized that going to work as a substitute teacher in high schools is great bloggy fodder. If I sit still long enough and don't breathe too deeply they start talking to each other as if I am not there. *grin* If they only knew that their conversations were about to be posted on the internet for all the world to read. Muahahahahaha (insert evil laugh here).

(Names have been changed to protect the chitlins.)

Fodder #1:

Joe: Summer is only 85 days away! * Grinning from ear to ear*

Beth: Nuh-uh.

Joe: Uh-huh! I counted!

Seriously Joe? You're counting down to summer from 85 days out? It's going to be a long Spring semester dear.

Fodder #2

Sam: Dude, that's not even funny.

Ryan: Aw man, seriously?

Sam: Yeah, dude.

Ryan: But I try so hard!

OK, I cracked up at this. I wish his tone could be put into the written word, but the kid was seriously feigning being heartbroken. It was classic!

Fodder #3

Rod: I can't believe you got that guy put into ISS. (In School Suspension)

Mark: Why'd you snitch, man?

*crickets*

Mark: Dude, why'd you snitch? Now no one is gonna like you now.

Some things never change. Nobody likes a tattletale and everyone wants to be liked.

Fodder #4

James: Hey Joe, right I have 20,000 lbs of dynamite?

Joe: Yup.

James: Stuffed in there. *patting pocket*

I wish I had clued into this conversation a bit sooner. Completely random and I have no idea what it means.

Fodder #5

Mary: Can we work in groups?

Brandon: She lets us do everything in groups.

Ummm yeah...and I was born yesterday. For the record, I let them work in groups 'cause I'm cool like that.


Fodder #6

Henry: I stabbed myself with my pen. I think I'm gonna die. Ink poisoning. Do you suck it out? *sucking hand while looking at me with questioning look*

Me: Do I specifically suck it out? No.

*earned a chuckle from the kids*

Me: I think you'll be OK.

Henry: I hope so.

This was hilarious to listen to and watch. If anyone has actually gotten ink poisoning from stabbing yourself with a pen let me know. I'll be sure to send the kid to the nurse next time.

Fodder #7

Cindy: I froze my mom's bra. She got really mad at me.

OK, and the point of this extra curricular activity was...?

Fodder #8

Cindy: (She's full of one-liners) My head is half way up my a$$, I don't pay attention very well.

Child, dear dear child. It is one thing to be stupid, it is another thing entirely to advertise it to the world.

Fodder #9

Nancy: Miss- do you know where this chart is in the book? *Pointing at paper* By the way, your fly is down.

*gulp*

Me: Thank you.

And yeah. What can I say but that when I got this bit of information it was 2:30 in the afternoon. Yup...afternoon.

I am linking up with Rachel and Mr. Daddy at Once Upon a Miracle. Be sure to click on over and read more true stories!

True Story Tuesday

Since only 1 or 2 of you were reading my blog when I posted these pictures the first time... this one kind of falls under the category of Ripley's Believe it or Not. And by the way, you guys are rockin' the comment love lately! I am lovin' all of you and for all of my new followers- Welcome! I'm glad to have you aboard!

I live in a house which is across the street from a golf course. Errant golf balls often make their way into my yard, on the street in front of my house, and once even through my bedroom window. We have a lot of golf balls in our possession.

I live in a house with 5 people of the male species. They like sports. One of the sports they like to play is golf. Good thing we live in a golf course community.

Only in a house full of the male species and a lot of golf balls does something like this happen when the lone female in the house goes to change a burnt out light bulb:







I am linking up today with Rachel and Mr. Daddy at Once Upon a Miracle. You can read more true and fascinating stories over at their house!

True Story Tuesday

I am not good at parking cars. I don't know what it is about trying to fit my van in between two white or yellow lines that is so difficult for me. When I first started driving I hit a parked car that was in the spot next to the one I was trying to pull into. Not such a proud moment in my life as the owner of that car stood and watched me hit his car and when I got out to face him I gushed, "I'm so sorry Mister, I'm so sorry Mister!" Yeah, I can be eloquent like that sometimes.

Parking Chris' SUV is just about impossible for me. How are you supposed to be able to park a big ol' vehicle when you can't see over the top of the hood? I'm always astounded when Chris can back into a space. Especially when there are cars on either side of him already parked. That takes a skill that I just do not possess. Oh, and don't get me started on parking garages. I mean really, those things need to make their lanes about 5 feet wider.

But I must say, I have never been as bad at parking as this guy we saw at Walmart (of course) in Roswell, NM.




At least I know how to pull my car into the parking space once I get it lined up!

Be sure to hop on over to Rachel and Mr. Daddy's house and read more true stories! I have yet to be disappointed!

True Story Tuesday

It's Tuesday, and that can only mean one thing here on my blog. True Story Tuesday! Because Christmas is only 3 days away, I thought I'd bless all of you with a story of the best Christmas present ever.

There once was a time when we used to receive presents at Christmas from our relatives who lived in faraway states. I don't know when that stopped actually. I guess when we all grew up and left home the presents stopped arriving by that much loved big brown truck.

On this particular afternoon my sister and I were sitting in the living room staring at the presents under the tree trying to decipher what was in those brightly wrapped packages that UPS had so kindly delivered to our door. My sister and I were the children who hunted out our gifts every year and knew what they were before Christmas morning. We had perfected the I'm so surprised and I love it face. So here we were as teenagers- she was a senior in HS and I was a freshman. By this time we had honed the craft of unwrapping presents and then rewrapping them so that no one was any wiser. The present that was in the shape of a cylinder and weighed an excessive amount had gotten our curiosity so peaked that we couldn't help ourselves.

We quickly ran to the tree and huddled together on our knees bent over the present. Ever so carefully we removed the tape. Piece by torturous piece. And when we were done we unveiled the best Christmas present ever.

What? Doesn't everyone want an economy size can of Grandma Brown's Home Baked Beans for Christmas?

Make sure to click on over to Once Upon A Miracle and read more True Stories.

True Story Tuesday

It's True Story Tuesday time and Rachel has specifically asked for our Christmas tales. I will do my best to oblige- anything for you Rachel.

OK- so as I was writing this story it kept seeming all to familiar to me. Finally I did some research of my very own blog and realized that another version of this same story has already been told. I guess I'm running out of material- oh the horror! So many of you are new followers so you won't know the difference. For those of you who do remember the original story (which I will NOT be linking too) just pretend you've never heard any of this before. OK? Thanks.

I've spoken of mice before. They aren't pleasant little creatures. I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would want one as a pet or even buy that new toy for their children. You know the one that's all the rage this Christmas. Anyways, that's neither here nor there.

However, if someone is looking to pamper a mouse let me know- we seem to have an abundance of the creatures no matter where we live. But...make sure to give me plenty of notice. Why you ask? Well, let me tell you. You're welcome.

One Christmas long, long ago there lived a family. (That would be us.) And actually it wasn't long, long ago- only about 3 years. But heck- I'm trying to be creative here. What? It's not working? *sigh* OK- I'll just tell the story.

We have a closet in our house that I like to call "the closet under the stairs." Creative, huh? Yeah, I thought so too. Ahem. So in the closet under the stairs I stored my Christmas decorations, and Easter, and Halloween, and.... So I am pulling eleventy hundred boxes filled with crap stuff to get to the Christmas decorations.

And what to my wondering eyes does appear? Oh wait. I forgot- I'm not going that route in storytelling. Sorry.

I managed to clear out the first 50 boxes and see a hole in my baseboard. You know- just like little Jerry would make in the cartoon- Tom and Jerry. I panic. Nothing is more terrifying to me than a 3 inch mouse that can creep and crawl through the tightest of spaces. I take deep breaths and tell myself, "There is no way this mouse is coming out- I'm making waaaaayyy to much noise."

And I did pretty well convincing myself of this. I was brave I tell ya'. B-R-A-V-E. I emptied out all the other boxes without one sight of the little varmint and I was only left with the big Christmas tree box. I figure I'm safe. There's no way I'm seeing a mouse today!

So I pull, I drag, I yank the 7 foot long box away from the final corner of the closet. And I see it. What? What did you see Julie? (Whatever- I know that is totally what you're thinking.)

I saw a Target bag. What? What's the big deal about a Target bag? Well, be patient and I'll tell ya'. This particular target bag was shredded. Into a pile about 12 inches high and 15 inches wide.

As I take in the whole scene with my mind running a million miles a minute I see movement. I look closer. I tiptoe over to this enormous pile of shredded Target bag and take an even closer look. And then I see it.

Them would be more accurate. I see t.h.e.m. What Julie? What do you see? A family of baby mice my friends. A f.a.m.i.l.y.

Remember back at the beginning of this post when I told you that you needed to give me plenty of notice if you wanted a mouse for a pet from my house? Well the following is why.

As I danced on top of the couch screaming like a wild banshee, Chris was in the closet with a hockey stick bludgeoning those mice to death. He did not stop until a sufficient amount of blood had splattered all four walls of the closet.

So if your intention is to make one of these vial little creatures your friend be sure to let me know before Chris wields his lethal hockey stick.

And just to make sure you remember this is a Christmas tale (I totally could have gone with tail there), we did manage to get all the Christmas decorations up and properly displayed after the massacre that occurred in these four walls I call my home.

Merry Christmas.

True Story Tuesday

My True Story Tuesday post can be read over at Live. Laugh. Pull your hair out. today. Due to some technical difficulties my post was not published last Tuesday so y'all are getting to enjoy it this Tuesday. See how that works? Hop on over there to read it so I don't feel like a total schmuck. It is very nerve-wracking writing for someone else's blog. Tons of pressure. Also, make sure to check out more True Stories at Once Upon a Miracle.

True Story Tuesday

About 5 years ago I was attending a bible study class in my church. Why it was called a bible study I don’t know. We never did study the bible (unless the pastor’s wife attended the class and did a lesson). What we did do was have an hour’s time of fellowship with other mothers who were in a similar mindset. We all had young children and we all took advantage of the free childcare in the church nursery on Wednesday mornings. I loved it. I got out of my home, I got a break from my very needy baby, and I made friends all at the same time.

Our pastor had been preaching recently about what we “feed” ourselves in the world and how we hypocritically go about as the “good Christians” and wear our crosses and say our prayers but then allow the world to "feed" us worldly entertainment. Well this particular Wednesday morning I somehow managed to blurt out in bible study when the rest of the room had “hushed” (doesn’t it always work that way?) that I L-O-V-E-D watching Desperate Housewives. The intake of breath in the room was enough to make me gasp for oxygen. And one woman- who was particularly “good” says, “You Julie? YOU?! You watch Desperate Housewives?” as she nearly falls out of her chair in disbelief.

Hi, my name is Julie, and I watch Desperate Housewives.


Make sure to hop on over to Once Upon A Miracle and read more True Stories!

True Story Tuesday

Back in my younger days when I didn't understand what tired really was, what being broke really meant, and what adult responsibilities really were I lived the carefree life of a young woman in her twenties with no one to answer to but me. It was glorious. The late nights that didn't involve being woken by children but were self-inflicted sleepless nights. The 1 hour spent each week cleaning my entire apartment. The ability to wash every article of clothing that I owned in 2 loads of laundry. Oh how I wish I had appreciated that time in my life more instead of longing to get married and have children. Just like in 15 years I will miss my young children who think I know everything and that I have the ability to fix anything that may go wrong in their lives. And even though I know I will miss the moments I still stress today's struggles of raising young children while constantly watching the clock waiting for the hands to strike the magical hour of bedtime.

While looking back at my youthful twenties there was a moment that at the time I felt the need to confront my transgressors. Now I laugh hysterically at the absurdity of it all.

My husband and I were buddies when we first met. We would hang out at the local bar and have a great time hanging out and swapping stories over our adult beverages. We would watch all the bar trolls come in and look for their next booty call and make fun of the victims who fell for the clumsy attempts of these trolls. We had a blast together.

Well, this time in my life happened to be when I was under the philosophy that I'd date whomever asked me out. I loved going out for food and spirits on their tab. Every single man that asked me out (no it was not MANY, but there were a few) knew that I would not be exclusive to them and I always gave full disclosure to these poor saps men. They knew full well that I was in it for the food and not much else.

Well, one of these losers guys apparently had more feelings for me than I did for him and did not appreciate me hanging out with Chris on a Friday night laughing it up. (And actually, I got in more than one fight about Chris with more than one guy. Apparently they all saw something that we weren't aware of yet.) So this loser took it upon himself to single out Chris one night and have a sit down while I was not around. The conversation went something like this:

Preface: Chris is a staunch, right-wing, republican and everyone who knows him knows this about him. So loser this guy starts talking about WWII and more specifically the Holocaust. (Doesn't everybody talk about such heady subjects when out for a good time?) This was all in his scheme to "break" me and Chris up even though we weren't actually a couple.

Loser : I have this friend who doesn't believe the Holocaust happened.
Chris: Really?!
Loser : Yeah. In fact I think you know her. (Oh he's sooo sneaky!)
Chris: Oh?
Loser : Yeah. Her name is Julie.

Somehow Loser thought by telling Chris that I didn't believe in the Holocaust that Chris would no longer be interested in me. Even though at that time we really were just buddies.

2 Months Later:

Chris and I are sitting at his house watching TV. A commercial comes on about Schindler's List and I comment on how I would like to see that movie.

Chris: Really?
Me: Yeah, why?
Chris: Retells above conversation.
Me: Bawahahahahaha! What an idiot! I went to Dachau when I was in HS and walked over the top of the shallow graves that were dug for the victims. I stuck my head inside of an oven that incinerated thousands of people. I have pictures- do you wanna see them? Bawahahahahaha! Oh my gosh- what a loser!

Moral of the Story:

If you're going to try to break up a couple- that is not actually a couple- do not use a time in history such as WWII as your only means of defense.

Make sure to hop on over to Rachel and Mr. Daddy's at Once Upon a Miracle and read more crazy, wild, insane, unbelievable true stories. While you're there, link up your own True Story Tuesday!

True Story Tuesday

I'm stealing from Rachel this morning and copying and pasting her directions for True Story Tuesday. Yup, I'm good like that.

It’s True Story Tuesday y’all! Time to share our old or new stories of something amazing, outrageous, hilarious, miraculous and (mostly) true that has happened to you! We make it easy… just grab the TST code from the sidebar, and link up the web address of your actual post below, … we’ll send some linky love your way!

There, now you know what to do. So make sure to hop on over to Rachel and Mr. Daddy's house and link up your story!

Electronics. They're supposed to make our life easier, and for the most part they do just that. I also believe whole-heartedly that they make our lives far busier and we are too available at times. I for one do not want to be available 24/7. There are days when I want to not answer my phone or reply to emails.

But this post is not about cell phones, or computers, or even fancy traveling DVD players. I have no idea why I started this post in such a manner. But oh well. Now you know my opinion on cell phones. You're welcome.

Back in the day, before I had a cell phone as my sole means of communication to the outside world, I had a cordless phone. I received this cordless phone as a Christmas present from Chris during our first Christmas. (Don't be jealous ladies. And no, he's not available. Sorry.) Anyways, I received this cordless phone and promptly hooked it up to the nearest phone jack and talked to my heart's content as I wandered my house free from the restraints of a cord.

This phone was not your average phone though. It had special powers that the typical phone did not have. Yup, you read that right. Special powers.

My phone had the ability to make outbound phone calls when no one was touching the phone. And it had the ability to make these outbound phone calls without me ever being the wiser until I started receiving phone calls back from the recipients of these calls.

One day we even had a knock on the door. That's right, my phone had the ability not only to make outbound calls but to also bring visitors to my home. Oh but this was not your average visitor mind you. We never received pizza delivery or a visit from a long lost friend. Our visitor came knocking at 2am on a Sunday morning. We were on a first name basis with this visitor and saw this visitor almost every week. This visitor just happened to be the off-duty police officer that worked the local bar that we frequented back in our younger days when we could do more than just paint the town beige on a night out.

Did you catch that? Our 2 am visitor was a police officer. And why was this police officer knocking on our door at 2 am? Well, that would be because my cordless phone with the super powers had the ability to dial 911 all by itself. Oh yes it did!

True Story Tuesday

It's Tuesday and that means it's time for my favorite blogging day of the week- True Story Tuesday! Make sure to hop on over to Rachel and Mr. Daddy's house to check out all the wild and mostly true stories. It never fails to entertain!

Last Friday I was sitting outside waiting for Jakob's bus to arrive home from school. I was sitting on this bridge minding my own business.

I started planning our weekend activities and thinking that maybe this afternoon would be a good time to carve the pumpkins that the kiddos had picked the day before.

All of the sudden I take notice of two silver vehicles driving erratically down my street. I think to myself, "Self that is strange!" And then I notice a large dog running in front of the cars. And I think, "Self, that is a HUGE dog! Oh wait, that's not a dog. That is a ...no way! Oh my gosh, are you kidding me? Not possible! Oh my gosh, I better stand up and get ready to run if necessary, because that thing is so aptly named for a reason! Holy cow!" And then I watched as one of these animals ran through my front yard, over my driveway, narrowly missed my van, and passed on through to the neighbor's yard.

That's right- a R.A.M. ran through my front yard and up the street with two silver cars and an animal control truck following close behind. I watched the scenario play out before my eyes as I sat stunned. They all disappeared from my sight and I watched Jakob's bus drive down the street.

So Jakob hops off the bus and we decide to pick up Nolan from school early so that we can come home and carve pumpkins before attending a birthday party that evening. So I am driving on the access road listening to Jakob read his Magic Treehouse Book and I notice something out of the corner of my eye. Of course I slam on my brakes because that is the safe, defensive driving thing to do and I holler ask Jakob to look out his window. There to the right of us running through the field is this.

Because it is not commonplace to see a R.A.M. running alongside us while we are driving on an access road next to a major highway, I explain to Jakob what the animal is and how he looks up close.

We soon forgot all about the Ram as we arrived home and started the tedious always fun task of carving pumpkins.

It wasn't until later that evening when Chris, the boys, and I were heading to a costume party that I mentioned the Ram to Chris. And because Chris believes every word I say and has complete faith in my competency he believed me when I retold him the happenings of the afternoon while he was stuck busy working in an office. And because he trusts in my sanity so much he did not proceed to ask me if the horns I thought I saw on the animal that supposedly ran through our front yard did not in fact look more like this:

Because a unicorn running through our yard is much more believable than a Ram.