I live with a human GPS. That's right, my husband who is infamous for being filled with useless information is also a walking, talking, driving Global Positioning System.
You don't even have to give him street names or if you are driving north, south, east, or west. (Not that I would be able to tell him that anyways.) He has the ability to tell me how to get home from anywhere I may be at any moment. And by anywhere I mean lost on some scary, dark, out-to-get-me street.
*Ring ring*
Hello?
I'm lost.
Where are you?
I don't know, I see a McDonald's. (Yes, I know there is a McDonald's on every other corner in every city in the US, but trust me- this is enough information for my human GPS.)
What side of the street is the McDonald's on?
Right.
OK- is there a Bill Miller's further up ahead?
Yes. (See, I told you it was enough information for my human GPS.)
OK, drive through two more street lights and make a left turn when you see the grocery store on your left.
OK, thanks babe.
*Ring Ring*
Hello?
I'm lost.
What do you see?
I'm about to drive under an overpass and there is a Valero on the left side.
Drive under the overpass and take a left turn in front of the Valero. You are going to go around two big curves and will see some grain silos around the second curve on your left side. Then you will come to a stop sign right before some railroad tracks. When you cross the railroad tracks get in your left lane because the entrance to the highway is on your left.
OK, thanks babe.
Now I know what you're thinking. We live in a small town and there is probably only one McDonald's and Valero in the whole town. Yes we may live in a small town, but I drive through BIG cities and this is when I make these calls. Human GPS has the ability to know what McDonald's and what Valero I am speaking of even when I am in a city with a population of 1,144,646. (Yes, I Googled that tidbit of information.)
*Ring, ring*
Hello?
I'm lost.
What do you see?
I see nothing but a big green field.
OK, take the first left when you come to the....
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I love it!! I wish my hubs was a human GPS. That would be awesome. No, instead, we drive around and around and around, looking for the hidden street (European Vacation style). Umm, yes, and I did say, "Look kids...there's Big Ben" a few times.
Ha! I love this post! :)
My husband is a living walking compass. No matter where we are he knows which direction is what. If you asked me to point North, I'd point every way EXCEPT north. I guess I'm just directionally challenged (well that's not the word we use around here, but if I used the real word I'd tick some people off).
THAT is awesome!!! Can u "program" him with Louisiana and let me use him?!?
That is hilarious. You have a "Chuck" too! Chuck is my human GPS. He is my friends sister's hubby, lol, and he can do exactly the same thing. I cannot tell you how many times I am like, "Chuck?" all sweet when he answers and he KNOWS what I need!
And I was gonna say, Seriously, girl, where do you live? LOL
lucky girl! I'm the closest think to direction this house gets...and that is scary!
Love it! I am the opposite of your human GPS. I can read maps (better than my OH, which makes me chuckle), but if you were to ask me "which way?" I would be 180deg wrong. In fact, my OH used to laugh at me for being so wrong that we could do the opposite and end up being right. If that makes sense.
HA! My hubs is kind of like that. Though, I'm not brave like you, so I don't venture out enough to get lost ;)
And they say men can't follow directions or will not ask for them...you have it made with this one!
Hubbies are good like that...although mine did instruct me over the phone to drive up a sidewalk the other day(the sidewalk looked like a narrow road). I kept saying are you sure. Yes dear, I'm POSITIVE. Idiot!!!
May i borrow him? I could totally use him in my passenger seat sometimes!
Hey, I'm just like your hubby :) I'm really good at directions (while driving, not so much as a passenger) and am often called by Silly Sally when she is lost .. I tell her to head North off a road, her reply "right or left?" Ummm ... depends, are you heading east or west? I don't know ... the river is on my drivers side ... Are you driving TO the mountains or AWAY from the mountains? ... TO! Ok, turn RIGHT .... and if you see the ski hills, you've gone too far. Flip a bitch and turn left. Seriously, we've had this conversation.
Awesome. I wish I had built in GPS too.
So funny! Now that is one skill that my hubby doesn't have that I wish he did! Then I wouldn't have to listen to the annoying lady on the Garmin telling me to turn around!
That is awesome! My hubby thinks he's a GPS. It's like he's some overgrown boyscout that MUST use his map... we have a GPS, but he refuses to use it. Instead, he'd rather say 'hold the wheel' while he reads his map and I pray I can steer correctly from the passenger seat.
How very handy and convenient! Does he offer seminars to help husbands who are NOT human GPS?
I wish my hubs would be like that. Neither of us has any sense of direction.
Too funny! That Man is like that also. Once we were driving around in the country with no street signs anywhere and needed to get back to the Interstate. He knew which direction we needed to be heading so he used the sun as his point of reference. Hello - I can't remember which direction it rises and sets until I stop to think that California is two hours behind us. And we all remember that "18 inches" from I-10 story. As Martha would say, having those kind of guys around "It's a good thing."
PS: My word verification was Remus. Now I'll be singing Zippity Do Dah for the next hour or so. Thanks...lol!
DO you ever wonder if he has secretly put a tracking device on you or the car? So, really, he DOES know where you are at all times????
That ability to navigate is kinda spooky. But also kinda cool.
Wow! Maybe he can team up with Jack Bauer or some other bad-a55 MacGyver like person and have his own TV show!
that's too funny! My husband is the same way. I can give him an address and he can tell me what is around it and what side of the street it's on. I have a GPS, but he is far more accurate. And he doesn't say recalculating 20 bazillion times.
Funny! I'm the one with the sense of direction in our house. Paul can't find his way out of a paper bag. Seriously. I worry about him when he goes anywhere (but work) without me! He calls all the time saying "I'm lost!" and he's usually pretty loud about it! He hates it. I think it's kind of funny. :)
Jen
Yup. Love those warm-bodied GPS's!
Awesome story.
I just argue with my hubs! He doesn't know where he is going at all. And if he does we debate until I realize that he was right. My human GPS is my mom - she knows everything!
So cool.
I wish I had one of those. I am awful with directions.
Can you give me your phone number? I am always getting lost. I couldn't see the picture. :(
I'm married to one too. I'd be lost without cellphone...forget the map. I was driving home from Pennsylvania and talking away to my friend. After two hours, when we should've been home, I called him. Told him where we were. Two hours north of where we started. So we were on the road for six hours for a two hour drive.
But usually I call before that. And I'm seriously ticked when construction workers have the nerve to set up detours and mess me up.
My husband is the opposite of a GPS...he gets lost even with the GPS!
thats funny. My dad is like that too. Maybe not quite as good but close
Can I call Chris the next time I get lost? We'll see how far his range extends... :P
Proof of a defective gene in there somewhere. Men that actually know where they are instead of just insisting they know where they are when they don't are mythical creatures. {*grin*}
How handy is that!?
I hope you women truly appreciate this about us guys :)
Wow. I didn't think they made male version GPS units!
Waaay cool... and you see how many women want to borrow him, right?
(Yes, the pic didn't show up at first for me either).
Do you remember that Tool Time episode where Tim Taylor explained why men know how to get places? It had something to do with men having more iron in their noses and it acts as a human compass... seriously, LOL!
Thanks for joining in! I'm sure your hubs is basking in the glory :)
popping in to say HI oh and I sure wish I had your hubby's gift. I can get lost going around the block
too funny! I saw a Zits comic recently that sounds just the same!
Do you read Zits?
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