I am trying to get back into a routine of working on a weekly basis after the extended vacation I gave myself since Thanksgiving. Yes, I'm spoiled and yes I'm well aware of it. What of it? Anyhow, last week I realized that going to work as a substitute teacher in high schools is great bloggy fodder. If I sit still long enough and don't breathe too deeply they start talking to each other as if I am not there. *grin* If they only knew that their conversations were about to be posted on the internet for all the world to read. Muahahahahaha (insert evil laugh here).
(Names have been changed to protect the chitlins.)
Fodder #1:
Joe: Summer is only 85 days away! * Grinning from ear to ear*
Beth: Nuh-uh.
Joe: Uh-huh! I counted!
Seriously Joe? You're counting down to summer from 85 days out? It's going to be a long Spring semester dear.
Fodder #2
Sam: Dude, that's not even funny.
Ryan: Aw man, seriously?
Sam: Yeah, dude.
Ryan: But I try so hard!
OK, I cracked up at this. I wish his tone could be put into the written word, but the kid was seriously feigning being heartbroken. It was classic!
Fodder #3
Rod: I can't believe you got that guy put into ISS. (In School Suspension)
Mark: Why'd you snitch, man?
*crickets*
Mark: Dude, why'd you snitch? Now no one is gonna like you now.
Some things never change. Nobody likes a tattletale and everyone wants to be liked.
Fodder #4
James: Hey Joe, right I have 20,000 lbs of dynamite?
Joe: Yup.
James: Stuffed in there. *patting pocket*
I wish I had clued into this conversation a bit sooner. Completely random and I have no idea what it means.
Fodder #5
Mary: Can we work in groups?
Brandon: She lets us do everything in groups.
Ummm yeah...and I was born yesterday. For the record, I let them work in groups 'cause I'm cool like that.
Fodder #6
Henry: I stabbed myself with my pen. I think I'm gonna die. Ink poisoning. Do you suck it out? *sucking hand while looking at me with questioning look*
Me: Do I specifically suck it out? No.
*earned a chuckle from the kids*
Me: I think you'll be OK.
Henry: I hope so.
This was hilarious to listen to and watch. If anyone has actually gotten ink poisoning from stabbing yourself with a pen let me know. I'll be sure to send the kid to the nurse next time.
Fodder #7
Cindy: I froze my mom's bra. She got really mad at me.
OK, and the point of this extra curricular activity was...?
Fodder #8
Cindy: (She's full of one-liners) My head is half way up my a$$, I don't pay attention very well.
Child, dear dear child. It is one thing to be stupid, it is another thing entirely to advertise it to the world.
Fodder #9
Nancy: Miss- do you know where this chart is in the book? *Pointing at paper* By the way, your fly is down.
*gulp*
Me: Thank you.
And yeah. What can I say but that when I got this bit of information it was 2:30 in the afternoon. Yup...afternoon.
I am linking up with Rachel and Mr. Daddy at Once Upon a Miracle. Be sure to click on over and read more true stories!
41 Validations To Make Me Feel Worthy:
Those are so good I feel like I should substitute just for the blog material : ) Funny!
OMG, your zipper was down? LOL Better you than me! LOL
Love the ink poisoning one!! Too funny!!
I was always convinced I'd die of lead poisoning when I stabbed myself with my pencil!
Hallie :)
I don't know how you do it. Other people's kids drive me nuts. They always ask me to volunteer in the kids program at church, thinking because I have so many kids I would be good at it. If they only knew. They really don't want people cussing out kids at church.
BAHAHAHAHA! Zipper down. What grade are these kids? Funny stuff. :)
haaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaa!
how funny!!!
Those were freaking hilarious...and I should now as a former classroom teacher!!!
And for the record, I've never know any kid to die from ink poisoning after stabbing themselves with an ink pen ahahahahaha although I have sent a 3rd grader to the nurse before when a chunk of pencil lead broke off in the palm of his hand...I told him not run in the classroom! LOL
Blessings,
Val
Hilarious! I think if I was subbing they would fire me for laughing at all the kids:) I think #8 is my favorite...don't you just feel bad for people who are that dumb!
I think you are talking about my son, apparently he thinks he's Jim freakin Carey in class...LOL
OMG...your zipper...geez!
That is hilarious!!
oh my gosh...i'm so glad i ran across your blog! I used to substitute too so i find these VERY funny! Thanks so much for sharing!
And she adds supersonic bionic hearing to her vast list of talents ~ love it! The fly thing, eh not so much. Surely it wasn't like that all day...I mean at some point during the day you must have stopped to "pay your water bill" and the zipper didn't make it all the way back up. Yep, that's my vote alright.
Ummm... are you sure the kid was patting his POCKET when he was talking about the dynamite? And was it the front pocket or the back one? Could make a BIG difference in the meaning of that conversation! Yep, those are hilarious... and the fact that they don't even realize that you're listening is priceless. Dang.. great blog fodder AND you paid for it... no fair!
I always wanted to teach high school. Hours of entertainment.
Must be fun to catch these small conversations. Looking forward to more fodder.
Looks as if those tables got turned on you! LOL
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Those are hilarious! Why on earth would anyone freeze their mom's bra? What's the gain? Oh no! Your fly was down? That sucks! At least one child had the courage to say something, even if it was late in the day.
I love these, you should definitely do more! I bet the material is just pouring in daily for you ;)
I used to teach high school. The conversations do make good blog fodder. I love the ink poison story.
Nothing undermines your authority like ol' fly down problem.
:o
That is too funny. High school kids. They are full of it. I hope they all hadn't been laughing at your fly being down all afternoon ;)
xoxo
Danielle
That is hysterical! How did you keep a straight face?
Ahahaha! High school? They're that close to being let out into society?? {sigh}
Jen
HAHA!!! I can always count on an outloud belly laugh when I read your posts. Nearly made sonic fall off his skis. (Sassy was playing M&S Olympic games for the wii.) She didn't think I was nice for laughing and didn't believe me when I told her I wasn't laughing at her.
LOL Those are so great! The ink poison story is classic. :)
I don't know how you sub!
I told one of my subs once: don't let second block work in groups. They'll end up setting something on fire. Probably from the weed they'll try to smoke.
Yeah, she never came back to my class.
Too funny! Not enough to make me want to go back to teaching, but from the sidelines...really funny!
Haha!
I've never frozen a bra before...interesting...
Even better? Reading these while you are watching your students in class do the same...sigh.
oh, lordy. That is SO stinkin hilarious. Kids are so dumb! lol People are too. When I worked at Dollar General they would do drug deals and talk about affairs like I wasn't even checking their stuff out. Um, Hello? Standing here! LOVE the ink poisin. I kinda snorted on that one. And I am with pam from the creek. Which pocket was it? You know boys, they think they are so great! lol Happy Tuesday! Oh, and you are gonna die at my Letter of Intent Friday! It is HILARIOUS!
You are a brave, brave girl! Teenagers scare me! At least she told you about the zipper. LOL
that last one is hysterical. sorry your "fly" was down. i have done that on too many occasions. the freezing bra one, we used to do that at slumber parties to the girls with big bras. just a party prank. i look forward to reading more of your school fodder posts. take care.
Geez Louise! Do you see when I really hate being deaf? It's all those random conversations that I miss out on! (Yes, you asked me that once upon a time, and yes - it's probably one of the worst parts).
The dynamite and frozen bra had me totally snorting... stick with high schoolers... even if they are dumb enough to stab themselves with a pen and ask you to save them. (Your response was classic, my dear, classic!)
Thanks for linking up - and WHOA- 31 comments! :) You're welcome, hee hee
And that is why I am now a SAHM instead of a teacher. LOL Those are classic.
tee hee! You didn't hear any conversations, with giggles, about your fly being down and how they were just going to let you go all day that way?
kids will say the darnedest things,
But really your zipper is down????
How Embarrassing...*snicker*
Whoa, you've got some whoppers!
Stars! I would lose my mind if I had to listen to that all day... a good sense of humor goes a long way, right? My mom was both a teacher and then later a substitute. After a few years subbing she changed her position dramatically on my decision to home school!
lol!! Oh, those are good captures of conversations. Took me back to when I was student teaching English classes at the HS level. They are like little people walking around in adult bodies.
38 freakin' comments lady! Wowza!
THAT was hysterical. One liner chic is my favorite. That's so funny. I love love love it. So far, this is my favorite post of yours. You should start a meme for subs :)
I hope Cindy is cute. Because she's dumb as a brick.
This is absolutely the funniest. I love Fodder#2. And Cindy one liner is great. Do you take notes while they are talking or store it all for later. I would have to take notes. This could become a weekly blog, definitely a reason to keep subbing.
......And I can just picture you trying not to breath loud. heh heh.
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