Classifieds

I am recycling a post from last June that I wrote for Mama Kat since Supah is doing the same theme. I hardly had any followers at that point- so for all my new followers...enjoy! For all of my faithful long-time followers, enjoy...again!

Be sure to stop over at Adventures of a Wanna-be SupahMommy and read more classified ads!

Classifieds:

Slave , Lackey , PERSONAL ASSISTANT

_______________________________________________

City, State: South Central, TX

JobID: DisSucks

Zipcode: 66666

Duration: Until I'm In My Grave

For over 11 years this dynasty has been leading the way in mental breakdowns and the panic attacks industry. Join our indiscriminate and challenging work environment as we grow and mature throughout our lifetimes and help to contribute to the multi-million dollar anti-depressant pharmaceutical companies.

Explore the possibilities, be part of our team, share in our lunacy!

Responsibilities:

We have an immediate opening in our South Central, TX operation for a slave , lackey , Personal Assistant. This position reports directly to the H.M.I.C. Head Mother In Charge and works closely with anklebiters, numskulls (otherwise known as teenagers), and H.M.I.C.'s helpmate.

The personal assistant is responsible for ensuring the highest standards in all required tasks set forth by H.M.I.C. and H.M.I.C.'s helpmate for our prestigious descendants and supports our goal of being the most lazy, hands-off I don't want to get you juice, blankie, food, medicine, and whatever else it is you think you need, self-centered, the world revolves around me and you are my pawns...parents.

Principal Accountabilities:

-Oversee all personal needs required by anklebiters in which H.M.I.C. and H.M.I.C.'s helpmate find to be unpleasant, disagreeable, or just plain icky.

-Problem resolution of any and all altercations between anklebiters and numskulls.

-Family relations- as it applies to unpleasant in-law communications

-Participate in field trips as it applies to helping anklebiters experience all life has to offer.

-Facilitate educational learning opportunities for anklebiters.

-Biennial competency review for Personal Assistant.

Join our fascinating albeit sometimes dysfunctional team and work with a pedigree devoted to raising young boys into men with character and integrity. We offer an unparalleled base salary (verbal gratitude), little to no benefits, and an incredible can't stop watching much like a car wreck culture.

Salary commensurate with experience.

Qualifications:

Mandatory Skills:

-Positive attitude

-Multi-tasking to include but not limited to cooking dinner, breaking up a fist-fight, putting out a kitchen fire, tending to a bee sting, and mopping up tears all at the same time.

-Ability to hold a cell phone between your ear and shoulder while stirring mac and cheese on the stove. *Please refer to multi-tasking above.

-Checking email every 10 minutes and in turn last minute rearranging of the schedule accordingly to be able to attend numskulls court hearing, anklebiters playdates, and H.M.I.C.'s helpmate's business dinner.

-Grocery shopping on a budget with 2 hungry, tired, toy-desiring children.

-CPS approved disciplining in and out of the home.

-Sufficiently wiping bottoms, cleaning up vomit, and any and all other detestable job(s) that H.M.I.C. and H.M.I.C.'s helpmate consider to be beneath them.

Additional Competencies:

High Energy

Supervisory Experience

Customer Service Skills

Strategic Thinking

Leadership Qualities

Problem Resolution Skills

Negotiation Skills

Team Building Skills

For more information please call 666-666-6666 to speak to H.M.I.C.